The Challenge of Families

What is a family? Yesterday Benno and I had a family over to visit, and the occasion caused me to pause a bit and think. Here is a quick description of this family.

Our friend, Ntate Kuena, lives out in the village about three hours drive from Maseru because he is a farmer and that is where he is attempting to make some sort of living for the family.

With him, currently, live his two small daughters and a young niece who is orphaned (the youngest sister of Ntate's wife). When Ntate K is working, the children are cared for by his father who is retired. The grandfather also cares for two small sons of Ntate K's sister who is teaching in another village many hours away...

Ntate K's wife, 'M'e Malibuseng, lives here in Maseru in a very small house. She is going to school to upgrade her marks so that she can apply to the nursing program at the local university. In addition, she has been working at the infamous orphanage about which I have written on several occasions.

Yesterday when they came to visit it was Ntate Kuena, 'M'e Malibuseng, their youngest daughter and a younger sister of 'M'e's, who is eight months pregnant. She has been living in their home village with an aunt—a different village from Ntate K’s, but again about three hours away from Maseru. Now the family is trying to decide where she can live, who will care for her baby when it is born, and how they can support her to finish her Junior Certificate (high school). Ntate K’s concern is clear as he tells me this.

Such complicated family lives are so common here in Lesotho. Families take on huge, huge responsibilities for each other; really, they have very little choice. Without family networks here the social fabric of this country would not just be threadbare, as it currently is, but it would be totally decimated.

This is an unusual visit in that ‘M’e has excused herself as soon as she arrives. A friend of hers has met her along the way to our house. This friend is in crisis. She is a single parent of two small children. Unlike Ntate K’s family, however, this young woman’s family rejected her when she first became pregnant and they provide her no support. Her second child is the result of a rape and she is struggling with emotional detachment. Just finding resources and getting by is difficult enough; on top of that she carries the burden of a huge resentment towards this child so she tries to leave the baby at the orphanage. There she is given the threat that she will be reported to the police. She is stuck in a horrible situation; and, of course, just imagine what life is like for this poor baby who has done nothing to deserve this rejection.

‘M’e finally shows up quite a few hours later and I warm up lunch for her. She’s had quite the day. She has more than enough dealing with the needs of her own family, but she takes time to provide counsel to a friend in need.

Typical situations here. Another one is our young friend next door, Bokang. Her aunt and uncle next door were finding it a real burden to support her, so she had moved to live with another uncle and aunt. There she was welcomed by these two warm and caring people. Unfortunately, that uncle became unemployed. They already care for Bokang’s ten-year-old bother along with their own children (all of whom live in a tiny bedroom-sized house). After a big family meeting on Friday, Bokang was informed that she would have to move back to live with her uncle and aunt that live next door to us. She is sad about this—it cannot be easy living with people who really don’t want you, and it cannot be easy leaving such warm and cheery people as her other uncle and aunt, but she has no choice in the matter. Bokang sends Benno a text message explaining and asking if we can help her move her things. She expresses her frustration in the situation and resolves to get her education so that she can have some control over her life, and that of her son’s.

Then, I think of a colleague of mine whose brother died leaving two teenage daughters in her care. She's about my age. Her children are grown, like mine, and now she has two more daughters to care for and to support financially. My colleague and her husband had started to make plans toward retirement; now those plans have had to change. Again, a very common scenario here.

There is a term in Lesotho: orphan fatigue. This is where families are so burdened and overburdened due to the large number of orphans that they cannot physically, emotionally or financially handle any more. Unfortunately, this can lead to neglect or abandonment. It certainly does lead to many children and young people living in situations where they feel no love and know that they are a burden on those who are providing support. Such is the case for one of my students who is an orphan...

But, truly, I could go on and on. There are an endless number of examples of families living under duress. Families have so many challenges here in Lesotho.

Good Byes

Well, the gals are gone and by now they will be on the last wing of their journey back to Canada. Yesterday I took them and their moms and a cousin (all of whom had been over for the last 17 days)to the airport and we said our goodbyes.

I will miss Annie and Michelle. They were great quasi-daughters and provided lots of life and laughter in our home here.

These are some pictures taken during a recent hike to Thaba Bosiu.

MICHELLE...


ANNIE...



A prayer for Annie and Michelle

God I am so glad that you are everywhere
because I know that while you are here
you are also there
with Annie and Michelle.

Thank you for being with them as they
begin another journey
grieving--the separation process
and the reintegration stages.

It will not be easy for them
But, God, you are the sustainer.
Help them to take all their strength
their joy
their life
and their laughter
and focus it on adjusting
back.

And, Lord, thank you that you
continue to lead them,
that you are the master weaver
and the designs you have for their lives
are beautiful, just as you have made them beautiful.

And this small section of the bigger tapestry
this time in Lesotho
is but a piece...
so give them peace.

More Challenges

POWER! Quite a word that. Now that load-shedding has arrived in Lesotho, I fully appreciate the concept of electricity being POWER. When it's out--when you've come to rely on it--you can feel quite...powerless indeed!

Last week I'd invited Mamoruti, along with Tokiso, Andy, Sarah and Dean, over for dinner. Who are these people? Well...

Mamoruti: going to UBC in August on scholarship, as previously mentioned

Tokiso: a brilliant young Masotho who was in the top (I think 5 or 10)academically in the country, so was given a full scholarship to Lester B. Pearson United World College on Vancouver Island where he's been for the past two years. He's the Masotho pro on adjusting to Canadian life and culture, so he was going to give Mamoruti his insights. (He's now off on full scholarship to Brown University.) An inspiration he is!

Andy: Sarah and Dean's neighbor and volunteer at Mavis' Orphanage.
Sarah and Dean: Tokiso was Sarah's language teacher before he left and they are great friends. Dean is Sarah's husband.

So, there are the people connections. A house full of company coming and the power goes out at 4:00 p.m. No problem, I think, I'll just wait until 5:30ish. If no power, I'll order pizza. Mamoruti shows up. No power still at 5:30 so I phone Scooter's Pizza. Their power is out too. Oh, oh... Hmmm.

I phone Sarah. "Do you have power?" Yes they do! So I beg the use of their kitchen, Mamoruti and I pack up all the food, and we head two blocks down to Sarah and Dean's. Tokiso is already there so the two start visiting while I get the food going.

I start the process, only to have the power go out there. Dinner must go on, so I keep cooking. On one side of me is Andy and on the other is Sarah. Each of them is holding a candle so I can see what I'm cooking. We chat; we visit; we laugh over the craziness of the situation. No power is kind of nice, socially.

Now, when I cook, I like to do the feast thing, so I’ve made dough for fresh rolls. Not to be deterred I make one batch—at least enough for dinner—and when ready, those get popped in Sarah and Dean’s tiny oven. Meanwhile, on the stove top, all four burners are ready to go. Great care is needed to ensure a wrong move doesn’t send one of the pans flying onto the floor. This is one tiny stove. No margins for error.

Dinner is finally done, served, and the power comes back on at some point in the process.

Ah, power! These outages are becoming common here. At least once per day we are out, and it’s still somewhat random in our neighborhood. And we are fortunate. The downtown business core has regular outages each morning approximately 9-noon. Just imagine what that does to business.

Just ask me. I spent two days sitting in a freezing cold hair salon getting my hair plaited…but that’s another story.

Meanwhile, dinner’s cooking once again. This time WITH power…so far, anyway. This time Annie, Michelle, their mom’s their cousin and Sarah and Dean will join us. Ah, the first one has arrived—Oh, it’s Benno. Time to go check dinner!

Construction Zone!

Ah yes, here we are in the midst of a ...





Well...a new fence is the BONUS...I think







But, you know, it's all about perspective...

Despite the mess that our yard is in right now, and despite the fact that all the lovely work that had been done to make flower beds was demolished in this process, we are REALLY, REALLY glad to be living here in our cozy home.

It's been a journey! The end of May we got notice that our landlord was selling the house to his daughter. (She'd supervised the renovations we'd asked to have done, saw the house, and decided she really liked it and wanted to buy it...) Suddenly we were tossed into the air and looking about for a place to live. That's not easy here. There are few places, and the rents are very high--very high relative to the quality of the place. The hunt began and we looked at a few and were given rent quotes on others that left me breathless; then on Friday I was taken out to the boonies to see yet one more (YIKES best sums up that one!) only to be officially informed by our new landlady that she would NOT be moving in after all, since her husband-to-be is taking a job in another country. That means we get to stay! Life is good. We love our anthracite heater that keeps the house warmer than most. I'll live with the yard mess...at least for a bit longer.

Pink Baby

Today Annie and Michelle are grieving
and I grieve with them
as I remember you
the most gorgeous
little doll dressed
all in pink
laying so quietly in your crib

Something about your perfect beauty
etched its way into my memory
You have haunted me little one
since that first moment I saw you
I kept thinking of you
with a family
happy...growing...healthy

or more realistically
realizing--knowing the truth
that you had been condemned to
orphanage life
dropped on the doorstep
of this unregulated place
where children come and rarely leave

This is no place for babies
especially the fragile ones
Only the very strong survive
And for what?
They can't be adopted because
usually there are no records--
So they stay and grow up in this place
where the older ones are
already in their twenties
and opportunities are so few
so what do they do?

Would I ever wish that for you?
Life here is a horrible paradox
To have been released from the hardship
is no hardship
You are in a better place
Where your beauty will never fade

Pink flower you bloomed on earth
but you will blossom in heaven




THIS SOUNDS LIKE A HORRIBLE PACIFYING PLATITUDE, EVEN NOW AS I READ IT, BUT IF I CAN'T HOPE IN THIS, I'M NOT SURE I COULD SURVIVE HERE VERY WELL. THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH DIFFICULTY.