Mothers and Students

In a past entry I mentioned the girls that God is bringing into my life here in Lesotho. I had noted our Red Deer pastor’s farewell reference to Mark 10:29,30** - especially his reference to God providing children to fill in for the sons we left behind. A cousin of mine once said to me that I really hadn’t experienced the full extent of parenting since I had not raised any girls. Maybe God overheard that comment, as it is almost exclusively girls that God has brought into my life here in Lesotho. Let me reintroduce you to three of these girls/young women, parts of whose stories have previously made it onto these pages.

Each of these young women was orphaned. They have each had some degree of support from extended family. Yet, by western standards their lives have been marked by severe and chronic poverty. Education, beyond the primary level, was a tenuous hope and dream. Without the supervision and guidance of a concerned parent, each was vulnerable to the attention and promises of a male. Each is now a mother. Each of the barriers they face are now even more of a challenge since the arrival of a child.

The prognosis for young women in their situation is bleak. The cost of going to school now often includes childcare and infant formula costs, in addition to the school fees that they already may not have. Too often, and even without Western 'Cinderella' stories, the only option many young woman can envision is 'Prince Charming' arriving to make all their troubles go away. The outcome is often a second, even third child; relationship abuse and violence; and little hope for other than a bleak and despairing future.

These young women have been more fortunate. In two situations alternate family, in poverty themselves, have stepped in to provide what they could – concern, care, direction and guidance, as well as to share what cabbage and maize meal they have. Then, combining what resources the families had with grants from the government of Lesotho and contributions from family and friends of ours in Canada, sufficient funds were found to enable each of these young women to return to school. I am so proud of each one.

Life is not easy. They still have a child to care for, family chores to attend to, long walks to school each day - but they have hope, and they are looking forward. For one, her weekday begins before 4:00 a.m. and ends around 8:30 p.m. By Friday she is truly exhausted. Yes, they continue to face challenges and distractions, and my prayer is that by God’s grace they will continue to carry on and continue to make wise choices.

My role? I get to help with school work, especially math; put up with their gentle teasing; be taxi driver; provide a weekly bible study that one of them asked for; shave heads now and then; follow up their needs for childcare and other school related costs; and feed them when they are over. I am even teaching one how to bake muffins.

This is a country where few people have an oven, thus baking is a novel activity. So when a school event invited one of them to try baking, she sought out the only oven she knew. I hear her carrot bran muffins were well received, and though I didn't get a taste, they looked exceptional for a first time effort.

Being moms and students at the same time is tough, but with determination, the encouragement of family, and a little bit of support from Canada and America, these young women are courageously creating the prospect of a better future for themselves and their children. I am proud of them and their efforts. In addition, I do admit that it has been fun having some girls in my life to add to my experiences as a father of sons.

~ Benno ~

**"I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields - and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. Mark 10:29,30

(It has been enjoyable, but I am not sure that I am ready for a hundred fold in daughters. At least not yet. ☺ ~B)

Belonging ...

When does one begin to feel that they are truly part of the lives of those they meet in a new culture? When does one begin to feel that they belong? I do not know if I will ever fully know the answer to these questions, but last week a couple of things happened that left me feeling that maybe I am beginning to belong, to be a part of the lives of some of the folks I have met here.

The first one was sad. A woman we know gave me a piece of paper on which she had written part of her life’s story, a story that speaks graphically of the traumas and violations that the girl orphan here in Lesotho too often experiences - a story she had shared previously with no one. The second incident, which I will relate here, was of a much lighter nature.

There is a young woman who has become very much a part of our lives. Last Sunday she and her son Thabang were over. During the course of the afternoon Bokang, the young woman, asked me if we had a hair clipper. There is a somewhat specialized clipper I have seen used here to shave the heads of children and men. Thinking that was what she meant, I told Bokang that yes, I had a big clumsy clipper, but that probably was not what she was looking for. I was wrong. She said it would do just fine. But that was not all I was wrong about!!

I was expecting Bokang would use the clippers to shave Thabang’s hair. It was a shock and surprise when she asked me to shave her head!! One doesn’t just ask anyone to cut his or her hair. So while somewhat nervous, I felt honored to shave Bokang’s head. Since I am not a hairdresser, I took it that she accepted me as a family member to let me touch her head in that way. (And by way of encouragement, after I had finished she offered that I should open a barber shop).

So while feeling I am beginning to belong to a community here in Lesotho, my inventory of skills is also expanding. I am now cutting women’s hair. If anyone there is interested I can offer my services when home this summer, though the number of styles I can offer is, shall we say, limited. ☺

~ Benno ~

Goodbye Neo

You may remember Neo, the little girl who stole my heart. I introduced her in a blog entry back in December 2007.

Neo is now part of a wonderful family, including two older brothers who love her dearly. Well, last weekend Neo’s family was celebrating. All the pieces in the adoption process and citizenship process have been finalized, and her family held a big gathering to celebrate her being granted American citizenship. There were lots of stars and stripes on hand, and the music had an unmistakably American flavour. However, Neo was not sure of what to make of all the activity.

No smile, but the remnants of a chocolate cookie
confirm she did enjoy part of the celebration.

Back when I was a child there was a cartoon about a construction worker who finds a dancing frog. He tells his friends and shows them the frog, but in the presense of others the frog just sits there. It seems that Neo is a bit like that. All the information is that she is an active and outgoing little girl who is said to hold her own quite well with her brothers. Yet when others show up she becomes this shy, very quiet and reserved little girl who keeps her smiles pretty much to herself. So the pictures don’t tell the whole story.

This visit was also something of a goodbye to Neo. Her father works with an international NGO, and later this year he is taking a position in India, so in a couple of months Neo will be heading briefly to America to say hello to relatives she met there last year, and then she will be off to India.

Goodbye Neo, you will be taking a little bit of my heart with you.


~ Benno ~